A Tree Falling in the Forest

This may well be the dumbest thing I have ever seen someone do to an ATV, a Honda no less. Which would happen first... 1. The frame breaks in half; 2. it gets hung up on anything bigger than an ant hill; 3. it rolls over on its side ever time you turn.

In theory, it could handle two riders, but only if neither had an IQ higher than a box of rocks.

One of my favorite comic strips is Pearls Before Swine.

This week the strip did a run on Newt Gingrich. Very funny, I am sure the former Speaker was flattered. First, second, third, last.

A funny quote from an article in the Washington Post regarding the departing Transportation Secretary Norman Mineta:

On Saturday morning, Norman Mineta ambled past his wife's vegetable garden, through the grass and the duck droppings, out to the pier on Maryland's Rhode River, and onto his boat.

"Come on, honey," Norm, 74, said to Deni, 61. Deni was on the dock, poking at the crab trap. "I envy the crabs, because she cooks them in beer," Norm said. "That's the way to go."

With the recent heavy rain some poor souls in our neighborhood have had water issues in their basements and patios. Thankfully, we have not had any issues beyond our dog jumping on the bed with wet paws.

One neighbor had it particularly bad. Her patio area is one foot below grade level and has a brick wall on all sides. Unfortunately, the drain was clogged and it filled up like a swimming pool and began filling her basement with water too. Being a neighborhood where people not only know each others names, but also work to help one another, everyone came out to help like Amish farmers raising a barn. With buckets and siphon hoses they worked to empty the water. Every so often, someone from another area in the neighborhood would stroll by with a suggestion or story of personal woe.

My self-appointed role in this process was to find a solution to the cause and unclog the drain. First, I reached in as far as I could down the drain. Then I tried using a drain snake, but it kept getting tangled because the pipe was so large. Then I tried running an air hose down the line to loosen the clog. Then I tried running a water hose up the other end of the line to loosen the clog. No dice, it wouldn't budge. I ran out of ideas (short of digging up the line), so I had to give up.

What surprised me the most was how appreciative our neighbor was for my efforts. All the while, I am thinking to myself, "I accomplished nothing, other than making a lot of noise with my air compressor." The most frustrating part of the ordeal was running out of ideas. I can always come up with more ideas for fixing stuff. But now the stench of failure is all around.

This morning it took me about an hour and a half to get to work. According to Yahoo Maps, it's 10.3 miles and should take 14 minutes, which is about what it takes on a Sunday morning at 3:30 AM. It took so long because of regional flooding after we received about 6 inches of rain in one night. This I can understand. What I can't understand is when it takes an hour and a half to get to work just because it's raining -- no flooding, no ice, just rain. One of the great mysteries and frustrations of living near Washington, DC.

Um bu bu bum da de
Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for
Under pressure - that burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets
Um ba ba be

This morning I had to stop at the local lab for a drug test. Not something that would generally cause me any concern -- the most powerful stimulants in my system are Starbucks coffee and Hershey's dark chocolate. With the diet and my recent stomach issues, I haven't even enjoyed either of those recently.

No, the thing that caused me anxiety was producing enough "liquid" for the sample. This concern didn't dawn on me until I was in the waiting room. I downed a couple cups of water as I waited in the vain hope it would help me when I needed it. Sadly, this lab is well staffed and relatively automated so I didn't have long to wait. After going into the back and being asked if I had anything in my pockets, the lady handed me the collection container with a magic marker line drawn on the side and pointed me towards the restroom.

A minute or two later she bangs on the door, "come on out!" she yells loud enough for the waiting room and the people in the next building to hear. I exit with my head hanging low, I was short of the line. In a disappointed tone the lab assistant said, "I don't think this is enough." My heart sinks. Like so many things in life, I gave it all I had and was still lacking. She pours the collection container into the storage container. "I guess it's okay, she says." A reprieve, the pressure lifts, the sun shines bright, I am free, FREE, FREE.

Another of life's little hurdles has been cleared, but just barely.

Apparently, I have a stomach virus. I have never had a stomach virus before and hope to never have one again. I have had food poisoning a few times, which usually lasts a day or so. It is like that, but it lasts for several days... five so far. My new diet consists of bread, rice, apple sauce, toast, water, and green tea. MMmmmm, crapolicious.

Speaking of viruses, on my way into work (late), I saw a black Cadillac with the license plate "H5N1." You have to be some kind of morbid to put Bird Flu on your personalized plate.

Weigh-in results: X-11

Workouts missed: all of them

Week over week results: -6 pounds

How you ask? Gastrointestinal illness. Not the best way to lose weight. Ugh.

"Customers craving fresh crustaceans will have to look beyond Whole Foods Market Inc. after the natural-foods grocery chain decided Thursday to stop selling live lobsters and crabs on the grounds that it's inhumane. "

I have only been to Whole Foods Market a few times. I'll never be going again.

The news account had an interesting statistic in it... 25 percent of lobster is sold live. I would have thought it was more. Maybe they don't count it as live if you buy it in a restaurant.

Not only did Dawn land a great job in a great city, but her new office has a business casual policy. I have never had a full-time job that allowed business casual. The concept is foreign to me. You mean you come home from work and you don't have to immediately change your clothes? That would mean I would have time to take the dog out before the Simpsons come on.

Congratulations to my friend Dawn for landing a great job in a great city. Her new office will be on the banks of the James River in Richmond, Virginia, one of my all-time favorite non-ATV related places to visit. The James River has great fishing, rafting, hiking, and biking trails just footsteps from downtown office buildings. It also has a tremendous amount of civil war history entwined with a modern state capital… Not to mention great races at RIR. Oh... and it's conveniently located for trips to Paramount's Kings Dominion and Busch Gardens.

I lived and worked in Richmond for a couple years after grad school. If I secured an appropriate professional opportunity, I would move back in a second. That says a lot given the city has no real ATV riding opportunities and that I hate moving with the red hot passion of a thousand suns.

Sins of the week (at least the ones I can remember):
12-ozs of Prime Rib from Outback Steakhouse (1 Sweet Potato side and Caesar Salad)
1 Fried Haddock Dinner from Blue Ridge Seafood (with fries, 2 hushpuppies, Cole slaw, part of an oyster appetizer and samples of other tasty ocean based treats.) (Incidentally, why anyone would name a seafood restaurant after a mountain range is beyond me.)
1 Hamburger and Fries for Lunch
3 Cups of Jell-O

As all can plainly see, I was not well disciplined in my diet last week and I was therefore rewarded with no progress since the previous weigh-in. Still at X-5, unless I step on the scale near the vanity and then for some reason it reads X-8, but sadly, I think the X-5 reading is the accurate one.

I have been slow to post on this topic in the hopes that my grief would wane with time. Sadly, it hasn't really waned at all. Though it was primarily my wife's car, we were the happy owners of a Lexus ES330. Driving a Lexus is like nothing I had ever experienced. Every part of it was the epitome of refinement and comfort. It is like sleeping on a Serta Perfect Sleeper Mattress when all you have ever known is a futon. Unfortunately, Lexus sedans are not designed for getting a baby seat and baby paraphernalia in and out. Given our desire to drive to visit family and friends we needed something bigger.

Enter the Ford Freestyle, our family's version of the Wagon Queen Family Truckster. Based on the Volvo XC90, the Freestyle is a nice blend of SUV, minivan, and car. I wouldn't go so far as to say it is fun to drive, but is a pleasant ride. It has more cargo room than an Explorer and gets 28 mpg highway. One of its more unique features is a CVT automatic transmission, which means it never shifts, because is doesn’t have traditional gears. It’s like a snowmobile transmission with an infinite number of gear ratios constantly adjusting to keep the engine at its optimal power or economy rpm range. It’s a little weird at first, but it seems to work quite nicely.

Our family pet is not nearly as blood thirsty or ferocious as Andy’s miniature panther Papi. But our dog Shelby had a big breakthrough this week. Almost a year after being rescued from a shelter in South Carolina, Shelby overcame her crippling emotional pain and barked. I wasn’t there to hear it, but my wife was. The baby was crying and the doorbell rang; it was more than Shelby could take. From the safety of our bedroom she sounded the alarm and barked... not a soft wimper or a cry... a real live, loud and proud bark. She hasn’t barked since, but the next thing you know she will be approaching strangers and eating her dog food without being afraid of the noise it makes in her mouth when she chews. You go Shelby… you are making me proud.

7 days (as of Saturday)
3.5 hours on the treadmill
210 sit ups
6 apples
5 bananas
5 chicken salad or tuna sandwiches
0 potato chips
0 candy bars or hostess cup cakes
1 no fat chi latte
1 notch on my belt

Weigh in: X - 5 lbs

50cc four-stroke engine, electric start, full suspension, rear hydraulic disk brake! The new mini quad offerings from Kawasaki are pretty cool. Much nicer than the no suspension, mechanical brake machine I had when I was a kid (although it did have a four speed transmission.) Hopefully the new offerings will spur some competition between the big ATV manufacturers. When the time comes, I would really prefer to put Charlie on a Honda.

PORTSMOUTH — Two men accused of swindling numerous victims in the area — including an 82-year-old blind woman in the Port City — were nabbed in Maine on new charges yesterday. Full story.

I am glad they caught these guys. I wish they had resisted arrest a little... I think they could use a good beat down.

The Colorado quarter is about to come out and I still don't have a copy of the Nebraska quarter. Dang it.

The ten year schedule is available on the US Mint's Web site. It's interesting to note that the Maine quarter had the smallest mintage numbers.

When the quarters first started coming out in 1999, I started collecting one of each state. If I found a copy of state quarter that was in better shape than the one I had I would switch them out. This process insured I would continually improve the quality of the quarters in my collection. This process continued through the summer of 2003 creating a nice set of all the quarters released in the program up to that point. Then I got one of those nifty map things to hold my quarters. Excited I went to retrieve them and place them in the map. Unfortunately, my new wife had discovered where I was storing them and assumed they were spare change. Gone. They were all gone. Heartbroken I had to begin collecting again. This is the only time my wife's thriftiness caused me grief.