A Tree Falling in the Forest

Like my beloved sport doesn't have enough issues.

Now this: Berwick teen attacked by ATV rider.

Many are following the dieting exploits of my good friend Big A. I don't know if he will ever do a week devoted to packaged meat. If he does, I highly recommend the Grillmaster Hot Dogs from Ball Park Franks.


Shelby, the wife and me are big fans of these tasty treats. We usually get the Deli Style. During the winter months, we have been cooking them in a frying pan and toasting the rolls in the oven. MMMmmm.

One great thing about Fridays is that it usually takes about half as long to get to work because the traffic is so much lighter. Unless of course one careless driver gets in an accident and ruins the once a week benefits of telecommuters, flexible work schedules, and people starting their weekend early.

Today it was a truck driver with a unique dilemma that ruined the easy commute. The overpasses on 395 North after you cross the 14th Street Bridge into DC are 13ft high. A truck driver carrying an odd assortment of vehicles including a '69 C-10 Chevy Pickup and an International Scout came to a dead stop about two feet from the first overpass. He was stuck... center lane of the highway... about 3 feet too tall. Another few feet and he would be carrying a convertible '69 C-10 Chevy Pickup.

I was disappointed that the commute was crappy (as usual), but I felt very sorry for the poor truck driver. If an incident like that happened to me it would take years off my life.

Thursdays are my favorite day of the work week.

In rank order:

1. Thursday
2. Wednesday
3. Friday
4. Tuesday
5. Monday

CNN Correspondent Goes to Al-Jazeera.

How crappy an employer does CNN have to be to make someone say, "take this job and shove it, I'm going to work for Al-Jazeera."

"A ferocious feline terrorized a quiet Fairfield neighborhood, to the point that residents are seeking help from the law to stop the so-called "Terrorist of Sunset Circle.""

Lewis the cat sent an Avon lady to the hospital. I have mixed feelings about that.

At 2:22 AM, I had an epiphany. My wife and I have a dog named Shelby. Shelby has, to put it mildly, some quirks. One nice quirk is that she likes to get hugs from Susan and me. If we are sitting on the couch together Shelby wants to sit between us. If one of us is out, Shelby will whine and wander the house until we return. Shelby frequently licks Susan’s face, but rarely licks mine. I assume it is because Shelby, a generally nervous dog, is more comfortable with Susan. At 2:22 AM, Shelby paused from her snoring to burp up some dog food. Maybe I should be thankful that Shelby doesn’t lick my face.

There is a security guard in my building that I am going to have to do a better job trying to avoid. She is a little TOO nice to me. I haven’t taken the time to check if she is one of the guards that carries a firearm. I am afraid to look.

I was walking by her guard post the other day and she said something like: “did you remember to bring me that toy?” I have NO idea what she is talking about. I feigned ignorance and bewilderment and she asked again. I made something up about having a bad day to get away quickly. I guess I am going to have to start using another exit.

Reason #89 – Cherry Blossoms. Cherry blossom season is getting underway in D.C. As a native New Englander it is a nice treat when spring arrives and the cherry blossoms come out. Spring arrives here about a month earlier than it does in Maine. One month can make a big difference.

The only bad thing is that it signals the return of tourists and tourist related traffic. If you come to DC please obey the crosswalk signals… and avoid the temptation to buy an “I am in the witness protection program” t-shirt. Feel free to wear khaki colored shorts. This makes you easier to identify as a tourist and will also make it easier for you to get directions to the nearest Metro stop.

Reason #78 to visit Rob in Virginia: The proximity to amusement parks and roller coasters... including the newest coaster at King's Dominion based on the movie "The Italian Job."

I received a new redesigned ten dollar bill as change yesterday. It reminds me of an orange cremesicle. I like my money green (and black). All these fruity colors may be good to thwart counterfeiter, but they don't elicit the same response when you get a card from gramma with money for your birthday or you find some cash in a pair of jeans you wore last month. Green backs should be green.

I have the same reaction when I see a blue Honda ATV or a green Yamaha. Hondas are red, Yamahas are blue, Kawasakis are green, and Suzukis are yellow. Its just part of the natural order of the universe.

I had to go to an event across town today… not particularly noteworthy, but it did give me an opportunity to ride in a couple unique cabs.

To the event: Typical Ford Crown Vic cab. Bad paint job, vinyl seat cover, etc. After a couple blocks, I hear a weird sound over the noise of a squeaking right front wheel bearing: a random ticking noise. From the back seat I look over at the oil pressure gauge. Looks fine. Tick. Uh-oh… the noise is the oil pressure gauge going from a normal range to absolute zero. Tick, tick… up down, up down. It makes me want to vomit. We get stuck in traffic a couple blocks from my destination. Tick, tick… up down, up down. “I’ll just walk from here.” “Are you sure?” “Yes, I am.”

Back to the office: Another Ford Crown Vic, but this is an earlier generation Crown Vic station wagon. Other than an unusually loud exhaust, this cab seems mechanically sound. It was clean, but had a distinct “car built in the 1980’s” smell. It’s like the smell of a vintage wine. Well, maybe not quite a vintage wine, maybe a pleasant perfume of an old friend.

Fox has renewed "The Simpsons" through 2008. Sweeeet.

In addition to the records listed in this article, "The Simpsons" must have a record for the largest cast of characters as well.

Gunsmoke... your 20 year record on TV is going down.

The natural order of questions my wife and I receive from friends and strangers:

When are you due?
Do you know if it is a boy or a girl?
Are you ready?
Do you have a name picked out?

However, when we respond no one seems to believe us.

I give the specific date the baby is due to arrive and they say, “How do you know? It could be sooner, it could be later.” So then my wife and I have to explain how we are so sure…

I say (with some pride) it’s a boy and they say, “sometimes their wrong.” So then my wife and I have to explain the multiple ultra sounds that all show he is a boy…

I say we are as ready as we can be and they ask more questions. Like, “is the nursery ready?” And they state how unprepared we are for cataclysmic change we are about to encounter.

Faced with so much doubt in everything I say, why would I then want to discuss possible baby names?

Here’s what I will say: The boy will not be named Rob, or George, or Boutros-Boutros, or Obed, or Dale. Okay?

I am not trying to make this Blog into a Big A fan site... but, I think someone may have been inspired enough by his story to create a film... "Humkin and Mopekey: They eat only cereal. They wear only underwear."

My dear friend Big A has found an excellent topic to document on his personal blog... specifically his new revolutionary diet. But I am concerned he is going to get distracted and use his limited blogging time to write about other topics. Please join me in encouraging Big A to stick to the topic and defy the critics of his ground breaking effort.

From late summer of 1994 to late spring of 1999, I was the owner of a 1986 Z24 Cavalier. In true "you don't know what you've got until it’s gone" form, I have come to miss that little car. It was emblematic of a simpler time. V-6, nice sounding exhaust, aluminum wheels, ground effects, bucket seats, roll up windows, and no A/C. The A/C wasn't broken... it just didn't come with it. The license plate: Maine 4976 RR.

It was a very loyal car. Only once did it fail to deliver me to my destination. Water pump gave out in Newport News, VA on the way from Maine to Virginia Beach. It tried to make it... only had another 20 or so miles to go.

One other time it broke a CV Shaft, but that was my fault. I frequently abused the car with burn outs and emergency brake induced 180s... I had just watched Days of Thunder, and... well you get the picture. I also almost totaled it once leaving my friend Andy's house by driving in to a stone wall to avoid a deer. Stupid deer.

My brother-in-law backed his minivan into the side of it once. Stupid George.

My college roommate once asked me why a car enthusiast would be content driving a "primer grey" Z24 Cavalier. I was never more offended. Stupid Rich.

It carried me through the highs and lows of college and grad school... and all the crap that happened in between. As the end of grad school neared I traded the old girl in towards a pickup. For as much as they gave me for it, I should have kept it. Stupid Rob.

There is a similar car available on eBay. It's a little rough. Maybe, I will keep my eyes open for a coupe with red interior.

I am sorry Z24 Cavalier. You were a good car and you deserved to be treated better. I hope you are in a more comfortable place.

Happy Birthday to America's Greatest Tough Guy.

This story out of Pakistan reminds me of the classic SNL skit about dangerous toys like "Bag-O-Glass, Bag-O-Nails, and Johnny Switchblade."

From the story: "Metal or glass coated strings help cut the strings of rival kites - the main objective of the sport." "Pakistan's Supreme Court had banned the activity last year following public outcry at the deaths caused by kite strings. "

I hope they don't start riding ATVs.

For your reading enjoyment... my latest article for ATV Source.

I would have bet a thousand dollars that Prime Tanning had gone out of business.

I would have been wrong. My uncle worked there his entire career.

Stephen King should use Prime Tanning in one of his novels. I am sure he could think up some diabolical scheme involving the tanning of hides... and a guy name Rick that lives in an apartment above an insurance agency next to the factory and drives a green Subaru... and a bunch of guys that jump into the Salmon Falls River from a bridge named after another kid rumored to have died while jumping off that same bridge... that would make good title... Eddie's Bridge.

So Mastercard is asking the public to write a couple new ads for them. Cute idea, but the two choices they provide for images are some what limiting. I am sure people could come up with better ideas if they could submit their own images in addition to words.

They did one with the Simpsons that was pretty good. And the MacGwyver Ad from the Superbowl was funny.

My ad would go something like this...

Anti Monkey Butt Powder: $5.95
Hatfield McCoy Trail Permit: $37
Lodging with a Shower: $110
Being able to sit comfortably after three days of ATV riding with your best friends: Priceless.

A funny live action tribute to the funniest show on TV. (New Link)

Sad news to report. Singer Paul McCartney (R) and his wife, Heather, were mauled by a harp seal pup during their trip to an ice floe in the Gulf of St. Lawrence, Canada. Ironically, the couple had just arrived for a two day visit to the east coast of Canada to protest the killing of harp seal pups. In true Canadian fashion, the seal pup was not interested in their charity and went all helter skelter. Paul vowed to never help carnivores ever again... ever.

Dinner table conversation excerpt from last night:

"You should be fine drinking that water... no self-respecting germ would live in it." - Mom.

"That water is not fit to put out a fire." - Dad.

"It reminds me of the water N. Berwick had before they fixed it." - Mom.

"We keep filtered water in the fridge." - Rob.

"We bought our own water." - Dad.

And, people wonder why I am the way I am.

I risk being made fun of by Big A, but last night I enjoyed one of the under appreciated delicacies of New England Cuisine. My folks are in town and brought with them lobster and clams. Lobster and clams are well liked by many... but true connoisseurs know that clam broth is one of the best parts of the meal. It’s the delicious nectar of the ocean. Someone will probably find it causes cancer, Alzheimer’s, or explosive internal organs. But I won’t worry, because two weeks later someone else will come out with a study that shows it leads to smarter children, lower cholesterol, or thicker hair. MMmmmmm, clam broth.