A Tree Falling in the Forest

It is unfortunate that someone will probably fall for this obviously fraudulent eBay listing.

I sent a note to the eBay security folk, but by the time they get around to doing something someone will probably already have taken the bait.

Sweet looking machine though.

Like Big A and Andy, I have reluctantly come to the conclusion that I must lose some weight and get in better shape. During the winter months I often put on some extra pounds, this winter I also added some extra sympathy weight during my wife’s pregnancy. Add in the fact that I am seeing myself in lots of pictures with the new baby, and I just can’t take it any more.

My plan for a thinner physique is not as radical as Big A’s revolutionary diet plan. But on the other hand, it will require a little more effort than Andy’s no beer diet plan. I am sure it will evolve, but so far my plan includes the following… 30 minutes on the treadmill everyday followed by stretches and sit-ups. Every few days some free weight work to tone up my arms. No more afternoon candy or pastry snack (i.e. Kit Kats or Hostess Cupcakes.) No more chips with lunch (i.e. UTZ Cider Vinegar Kettle Chips.) Only one piece of cake or one cookie for going away or birthday parties at work (instead of both.) Drink more water, eat more fruit. There you have it.

Yesterday was day five on the treadmill. It feels good to have a regular workout and each day it seems to feel a little better. Our treadmill has built in training programs that run for 30 minutes and I am currently on level 4 of 10. The training programs make it easier because I don’t have to think about the speed, distance, or incline. The treadmill provides variety throughout the workout by making adjustments for me. Just another example of technology taking over the need to think.

My goals are more subjective than just a specific weight. I want to feel healthier and be in better shape. I want my suits to feel looser and my jeans and khakis to button easier. I have a couple incentives to keep me going, namely a high school alumni soccer game in October and the ability to ride my ATV faster and further than I can now. No need for daily updates, but I will provide progress reports along the way to keep myself accountable and motivated. More to follow…

1. Yesterday Susan and I made a rare trip to Wal-Mart. We don't go to Wal-Mart very often because it is not as conveniently located as Target and is usually packed no matter when we go. Anyways... while we were there we heard something over the paging system that seemed very appropriate for a Wal-Mart. "A lost boy is at customer service area one. He has on a camouflage shirt and camouflage pants." Of couse he got lost... he was wearing camouflage... that's what camouflage is for... hiding and getting lost. Apparently this was not enough to get the attention of his mother because the next page was for his mother by name. This was repeated two more times. Next time he should probably wear blaze orange to Wal-Mart.

2. I am currently on hold with the IRS. The gentleman helping me is indeed being helpful. He also has a very intimidating voice akin to a senior member of the state police... How very appropriate.

3. On my way to work this morning I passed a very large dead deer along 395. This was only about 2 miles from the Pentagon among dense houses and high rise apartment buildings. Maybe that kid should stop hunting at Wal-Mart and start looking for deer near apartment buildings.

4. While we were out shopping Susan and I went to the Hallmark store. I carried Charlie in his car seat into the store and got him settled in a shopping cart. A clerk (aka sales associate) met us near the door and started admiring Charlie with ooos and awes. Susan and I were flattered, exchange pleasantries and went on about our business with a warm feeling of pride in our one month old son. Then we notice the clerk (aka sales associate) looking at cards near the section we were shopping. With each card she looked at she made the same ooos and awes. Her sincerity maybe genuine, but her compliments seemed a bit more... well... Hallmarky.

5. Still on hold with the IRS, but seriously, the guy is being helpful.

As if this blog is good for anything but random thoughts and excuses...

1. I was going to do a post about how in my twenties I never drank coffee, and now, in my thirties I drink two or three cups a day. Then this morning I spilled a 16oz cup all over my desk. Stupid coffee, I am not writing about you today.

2. Last night, I had a Big A moment when a stranger made a comment about my pickup. "Is that your work vehicle?" What the heck does that mean? It's not that messy, it just has some tools in the back of the cab. Guess I am going to have to get it washed this weekend.

3. Fox News is covering the play-by-play of a possible emergency situation on Capitol Hill. The news network is being a little ridiculous in its level of alarmism. Instead of adopting a wait and see approach, they are interviewing ever random person they can find to go over their total lack of information.

4. Rumor has it that The Satan House (see previous post) is going on the market this weekend. As part of the preparations the owner put new sod (grass and soil) in the backyard. This sounds like a good idea, but the backyard is a fenced in area of about 400 square feet. That means whoever buys the house will have to regularly mow an area the size of a postage stamp ever week or two. No thanks.

5. The blogger spell checker doesn't recognize the word "blog." Stupid blogger.

6. I predict a Honda will win the Indy 500 this weekend. If it does I am going to suggest to my wife that it is a sign that I should buy a 450r.

Each year in our Nation’s Capital, thousands of motorcyclists descend during Memorial Day weekend to participate in the Rolling Thunder Ride for Freedom. Since moving to Northern Virginia, I have never lived beyond ear shot of Interstate 395. I live a little further away from it now, but I am sure I will get to hear the rumble of V-twin thumpers all weekend long. Not that I am complaining. I enjoy the sound and would love to join in the festivities if I were fortunate enough to own my own Harley or other V-twin.

If I was going to spend the money on a new bike, I would go for the Harley Softail Standard.

Some observations and confessions from my recent experience as a new father:

1. I got busted by the baby monitor. Yesterday I came home from work and Charlie was being fussy. So, to give my wife a break I decided to take him upstairs to feed him. I went upstairs with the screaming baby and couldn't find something. In my frustration I said aloud to myself, "Where the h*&% did she put it?! Why can't she put things back where they frickin' belong?" Unfortunately, I was within ear shot of the baby monitor and my wife was in ear shot of the baby monitor receiver. Busted.

2. Garbage day (twice a week) has become very important to me. Between the baby and the dog, if anyone tries to sift through our garbage to collect personal information, they are going to have to wade through a lot of crap.

3. Speaking of crap... Recently, scientists discover the most powerful glue in the world is created by moss that live on rocks in fast moving rivers. It is so strong they haven't figured out how to use it, because it sticks to everything it touches. I think baby poop may be a close second.

4. I should have invested in Energizer Batteries. In addition to our digital camera, almost everything Charlie owns requires AA batteries.

5. Visitors are constantly debating about who the baby resembles. There is no genetic explanation, but I think he looks like my friend Richard (minus the mud and beard).

I was looking for news photos of the flooding in North Berwick so I could be more like Big A and Andy. That's when I ran across this old photo of the dam which clearly shows my parents house in the background.

I think I see an ATV path from the back of the house down to the river.

Today, I am giving a shout out to Ms. Tucker of the City of Richmond Finance Department. She gets a gold star.

You see, I have been waging a battle of sorts with the City of Richmond's Finance Department since February over Car Taxes from 2002.

First, I would note that I did not live in Richmond in 2002. I lived in Alexandria, where I paid car taxes, but apparently not enough car taxes. I still owed Richmond for a couple months.

To make a long story short, I sent in a check and called to see if everything was cleared up. I was told my check hadn't arrived and I actually owed more. Since, my bank told me the check had cleared, the battle was on. Problem is no one in customer service can really provide customer service or any explanations. They can just keep repeating, "you owe this much money." I talked to multiple people and left multiple messages. Nothing. It was like banging my head against the wall. I asked to speak to a supervisor, "we don't transfer or give out those numbers."

Well, fortunately, if you dig enough on their Web site you can find an employee directory. So I started random dialing anyone with the word supervisor in their title. That is how I got in touch with Ms. Tucker, who took my information, diagnosed the problem (on their end), and cleared up the whole sorted affair with about 15 minutes of work.

Growing up in Maine I had a healthy appreciation for migratory Canadian Geese that would signal the changing of the season with their V-shaped flight patterns. My dad and I would joke about how the ones from Quebec would call "la-honk, la-honk."

Now that I live in Virginia, I hold a visceral hatred for non-migratory Canadian geese. These are the lazy version of the species that prefers to stay in one area year round rather than fly back and forth between the north and south. They are big, mean, and cause a surprising amount of non-point source water pollution with their droppings. They poop as much as a dog without the responsible owner to clean it up.

This morning on my way to work I saw two non-migratory geese swimming in the pool of an apartment complex. My extreme disdain was eased by the two baby geese swimming behind them. But sadly, they two were destined to be lazy geese because of their stupid parents until something even more tragic happened.

As I sat in traffic I watched the parent geese near the edge of the pool. The easily stepped out onto dry land. However the babies were not able to get over the lip of the pool. I was complaining aloud to myself about the stupid parents when my anger turned to sadness. In their efforts to get out of the pool the babies swam into the filter trap near where they were swimming. STUPID LAZY PARENT GEESE! I had witnessed natural selection at work with non-migratory Canadian geese.

I think one of our neighbors is planning to sell her home. She has been rapidly completing renovation projects. New carpet, new bathroom, landscaping in the backyard, etc. etc.

If anyone is looking for a townhouse in Northern Virginia this might be your chance. We live next door and love the house and the neighborhood. 4-bedroom, 3 and half bath, den, living room, dining room, eat in kitchen, fireplace, etc.

One drawback (other than the spot of grass Shelby killed in front of the house)... the address... 666... I haven't heard any shrieking or seen any bleeding walls or notice any flies, but to be fair, I have never been inside either. Could be worse... at least its not 666 13th Street.

Charlie made his first outing to church on Sunday. We sat near the back, but thankfully he remained content through the entire service.

Afterwards, we went out for brunch with my mother-in-law (MIL) at a local restaurant. Since it was time for his feeding we decided to change him in the car and feed him in the restaurant so we would make out 11:30 reservation time. Apparently, Charlie did not appreciate being rushed. To show his displeasure, he waited until his diaper was off and then let loose with the projectile diarrhea. What didn't land on the leather seats of my wife's car landed on my pants.

We cleaned it up and went in. Lesson learned... use the fold down changing table in the restroom next time.

After brunch (mmm, waffles and sausage), Susan and I loaded Charlie into the car and waited for the MIL to come out of the establishment. That is when it happened. My wife did the unthinkable. She uttered the m-word... that's right... minivan. Ugh.

I thought we might have to give up our car in order to get something larger - something like a midsized SUV, but a minivan... oh the horror. The only Honda Odyssey I have ever been interested in owning has a two-stroke engine, a rollcage and a three point harness.

Chris will probably use this as an excuse for not going on next year's Hatfield McCoy ride.

I try not to get hooked on too many TV shows. I do regularly watch CSI (the original Las Vegas version). I haven't gotten into the other versions (Miami and New York), but I don't have anything against them either.

Anyhoo... CSI has a cool teaser for the last episode of the season. Examine this picture and search for clues. Post what you find...

Those crazy Canadians are at it again. Canadian ATV maker Bombardier is changing its name to Can-Am. I am not making this up... see the press release. Granted, most American ATV riders don't know how to pronounce Bombardier, but still... we were getting the hang of it. To be fair, the only reason most of us cared was the DS650 which is now a dated design that is showing its age. Whether its called Bombardier or Can-Am, I am glad the "step though design" has gone the way of the dinosaur.

In addition to being a new father, I have been declared a winner. Specifically, I won 6th place in a drawing held by my dry cleaner. Woohoo. A portable Radio CD player with headphones. I rock. I would rock more if I had won first place and received the flat panel digital tv. But regardless, I still rock.

Susan and I are very happy parents now that Charlie is home from the hospital and doing well.

A couple things we have learned in the first few days...

1. Wipe warmers are our friend.
2. Stay calm, he can sense fear.

A couple things we haven't perfected...

1. Leaky diapers are not our friend.
2. Burping is still hit or miss. (Susan is better at it than me.)